Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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