I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
