I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
