Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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