My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
that may or may not have been my penis.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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