last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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