Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
