After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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