Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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