i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
