It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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