Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
