wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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