Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
