at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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