You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im holly from the hills drunk
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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