This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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