I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
