That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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