I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
