sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
