Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
