Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What a dumb baby whore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
