Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
