exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
