I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
