I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
