you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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