I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
