Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
