i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
