i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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