You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
