I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
