That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
