based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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