I need help removing her.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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