there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize