he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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