Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
God, I missed his penis.
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