well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize