I will die if light touches me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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