So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
