i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
its not stalking. its research.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Welp...herpes.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
