I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
