you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
