The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
