After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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