you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
