o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
