there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
