sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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