the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
