I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she told me i tasted like america
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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