This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sext me about skeletons
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
