I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
