So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
