somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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