i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
