I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
