you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
