just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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