I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
