i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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