Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
