I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
