I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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