Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
