it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
