I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
