my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
