His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
