I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
