I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
