i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize