When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
